kristin has been a bad kristin
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
