her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
