Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
