Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
