Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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