What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
