I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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