I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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