4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
