Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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