Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
