if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
