Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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