bring money and cleavage
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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