Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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