I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
