smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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