i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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