At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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