If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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