Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
