I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
