just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
