you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
