whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
