You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
