can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
