is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
