drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Please don't give away my fajitas
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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