Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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