I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
