Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
