can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
