did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
