Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
