The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am available for nakedness
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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