The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
