Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
