Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
