I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
