remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
