Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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