He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
