I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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