walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am naked and annoyed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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