I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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