I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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