I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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