Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
