there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
