and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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