we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
