i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
