If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
